Bra´s on the towellhanger
0
There are some little things I noticed over the time about me and my "unknowable" rutines.
Those little manias you don´t even know you had. You know yourself better through outsider´s experience. That´s for sure.
I noticed my ressemblance with my mother. Some ressemblance we never thought I could have.
I feel as isolated now as I did when I lived by myself. Now I know the rest of my life is where my dreams are. Wherever they are on this earth.
I wonder why do I feel so at peace and secure when Iam floating on air. Not doing what a should. If I can do just everything I want or need to.... I feel plenty. But when I can´t do more than one of those things... I just end up doing nothing at all.
And then it doesn´t feel right. And it does, somehow. Somehow I feel some big and black shadow over me... but I feel comfortable there. Sick but extrangely comfortable.
And it´s hard to stand up and leave.
To sit down and endessly wait and wait and patience wasn´t made for me. Should I learn this way? Would I?
I feel like I would stop completely if the world isn´t spinning for me as well.
Rolling about my goal.... watching all my boats go away with the flow....
Why am I standing here? Why destiny is keeping me firmly tighten to the ground?
Why do I have time to even think? I don´t know what to do with that... it´s useless to me right now.
I always believed that your future is something you build, and make it your way somehow. Never thought my dreams or wishes would came knocking my door if I just waited.
So I hate to wait to be running after something, when I finally know what I want. because, to me, that´s the hardest part.
To know, what is worthy for me to go after.
Those little manias you don´t even know you had. You know yourself better through outsider´s experience. That´s for sure.
I noticed my ressemblance with my mother. Some ressemblance we never thought I could have.
I feel as isolated now as I did when I lived by myself. Now I know the rest of my life is where my dreams are. Wherever they are on this earth.
I wonder why do I feel so at peace and secure when Iam floating on air. Not doing what a should. If I can do just everything I want or need to.... I feel plenty. But when I can´t do more than one of those things... I just end up doing nothing at all.
And then it doesn´t feel right. And it does, somehow. Somehow I feel some big and black shadow over me... but I feel comfortable there. Sick but extrangely comfortable.
And it´s hard to stand up and leave.
To sit down and endessly wait and wait and patience wasn´t made for me. Should I learn this way? Would I?
I feel like I would stop completely if the world isn´t spinning for me as well.
Rolling about my goal.... watching all my boats go away with the flow....
Why am I standing here? Why destiny is keeping me firmly tighten to the ground?
Why do I have time to even think? I don´t know what to do with that... it´s useless to me right now.
I always believed that your future is something you build, and make it your way somehow. Never thought my dreams or wishes would came knocking my door if I just waited.
So I hate to wait to be running after something, when I finally know what I want. because, to me, that´s the hardest part.
To know, what is worthy for me to go after.
