Endless trip

I can´t hear music for a while. The last days sure were challenging. Though I did my best. I felt myself in that situation so very much.. so much that.. some situations make me feel how futile it seems to start all over again.

I know it´s not. Just don´t have real proof. Yet.

I am not sure why I took this picture. it´s not like I really wanted to remember something like this.

It was for me after all. Whith just this, I can rememeber the place, and all the places before that. That ugly pack, were all my belongins not long ago. Yes, all those old, gipsy-looking bags. That warm-air fan, it was special for me. I took my father´s when I left to live by myself, because I get cold easily when I get out the shower. It warmed me up during so many cold nights. Although, it broke and they bought me a new one for christmas... a new air-warmer fan.

I got sick many times during my first years in Barcelona. And they were so worried... and they never force me to come back. I didn´t really like that fan..but it was my only source of heat many nights...

Each of those weird bags has its history, and not all of them were originally mine. That´s what I wanted when I left my home years ago. I wanted not to have anything for granted. I wanted to learn, how is it to survive, to handle your own life. And I learned it.

By the hard way. I was scared, I felt alone, I felt free, I was happy, I met peace.

I cried real tears. I worried true worries. And I didn´t really realized how much of what i learnt , I just did.

Maybe.. I didn´t know it then, but that´s why I did the picture. I know that now.

I went through all that experiences to be able to use them now. I hope so.

To be strong enough to do what I feel I should, To do what I think is right. To have trust and faith in myself.

I lacked so many basic sense to value my own oppinion. I usually forgot to invite myself to my own parties.

I did my best these days... I did it all right? I hope I didn´t bother any recently important people to me...did I? I hope I didn´t ....

If only...could I stop worrying so much about doing things wrong.....maybe I would do them better? xD

Let´s se If I could keep these two sides of myself together, as everyone does, by the way.xD

owari