Anything for you

0
What can I do?

I pray so I ´ll never forget, when in better times, the kindness in the misery, the warm in the frozen nest. I made three fatal mistakes turning in misfortune now. And other people is suffering it with me as well.

I am at a loss of words.. to give an explanation to my doings...

-any- explanation , to my guilty mind.

But there isn´t any. Iam trying to find any cause, but even irresponsability is too low of a word to describe such things.

Why... is anyone punishing me harder?

Who can anyway....? it´s not really my fault, and it is.

Why am I still happy..? Why am I beign protected? I feel I don´t really deserve it, but I couldn´t possibly ever neglect such luck...

Dark.. undeserved happiness. But so warm..

Cold hands and warm heart.

how true that is.

AS always, my own tricky destiny is trying to teach me something important: patience, patience... temperance, time organization, and partnership, even faith, trust.

All that is hard for me to accomplish.

Now I can finally list it up.

What are you doing now? not sleeping that´s for sure. My mind is never sleeping, that´s why my bags are so deep and ugly. I do look ugly now. As I did when you last saw me.

Swollen and tired... at the limit. But I was stronger in the inside, because I was in front of you. And you give me strenght. I realize now.

Feeling guilty for not being loyal to the supposed innocent. It resulted in a not-so-bad doing at the end, or is it like that because of my unfaithful character to that?

Iam just like my mother... going with the flow. And I am Giving in. Slowly, and carefully. But so anyways.

Where is this going? Iam gonna see it wether Iam afraid to look or not. Iam on the boat, I have front side seats. crashing to the rocks, cutting the wind, Iam on it, to the end.

Let´s see what´s further on.

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